


Love Me The Same

by jeonswonwoo, nohsehun



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff, M/M, at some point chanbaek does the dirty on top of a washing machine, jongin is an angel, kyungsoo keeps lying about his aunt, sehun being dumb, sehun is a little depressed, tao is traumatized
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-05
Updated: 2017-01-05
Packaged: 2018-09-15 02:42:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9215192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeonswonwoo/pseuds/jeonswonwoo, https://archiveofourown.org/users/nohsehun/pseuds/nohsehun
Summary: Three years ago Sehun fucked up and now Jongin is back.





	

**Author's Note:**

> jeonswonwoo: so funny story, this was actually my first fic ever. i pitched the idea to maria and we just wrote it together during the summer a year and like six months ago and we've changed it like 5 times but we're finally posting our baby  
> nohsehun: 50 years later, we're finally posting this one!!!! you know the drill from ana's works, this wasn't really beta-ed so, sorry for the typos!! enjoy!!!  
> title inspired by the song 'love me the same' by jessica

Sehun and Jongin were living the life they had dreamt of since they decided at an early age that all they wanted to do was dance, having just started their second semester at the most prestigious academy in Korea, and they couldn't have asked for nothing more.  

When both boys met when they were 13, sharing the same passion for dance, becoming friends was kind of inevitable. And even though they became really close due to their mutual passion for dancing, it was very clear to everyone around them that they were the different side of the same coin. So no one was really surprised when Sehun finally gathered enough courage to ask Jongin out and when later they started dating. 

And two years later here they were, practicing their new ballet routine. Sehun was having trouble with a step that required some extra elasticity from his body and he had to do it properly or else he would end up hurting himself, and unlike Sehun, Jongin was a pro at ballet - having practiced it since he was younger - and this wasn’t Sehun’s style, at all, but he was a hard working boy, so he would practice as many times needed to make it perfect. 

 “I think I can do it now,” Sehun informed his boyfriend. 

“Okay. I got you,” Jongin smiled warmly. “Whenever you’re ready.”

Sehun took a deep breath as soon the music started playing, his body moved with ease following the steps both boys had choreographed until then, but when he tried that difficult step, he tripped and fell hard on his back, letting out a loud scream.  

Jongin hurried to the boy’s side, worried “Sehun!” He cried. “Are you okay?” 

Sehun couldn’t breathe, feeling like he had just been stabbed in the back by a thousand knives, and he swears he heard something snap. The pain was unbearable and for a few seconds he thought he was going to suffocate. 

“Shit shit shit shit,” Jongin was doing his best not to panic and scare Sehun even more. "I’m going to call someone. Don’t you dare try to move,” Jongin ran as fast as he could to get help. He’d move Sehun himself, but he didn’t know how damaged his back was and Jongin was afraid he could do more harm than good if he did. 

Later, while Sehun was in a hospital bed still a bit off because of the pain medicine, he couldn't stop replaying the doctor's words over and over again in his mind. "You have to stop dancing", he had said.  

He also said that with physiotherapy he could dance again in a few years, but Sehun didn't have a few years. His chance was now, not in three or four years. Three hours ago he was living the dream and now everything he had worked for and dreamed of was crumbling down and he didn't know what to do. 

And Jongin kept silent beside him, not sure what to say or do. Because what do you say in a situation like this? What is the right thing to do or say? Jongin didn't know, so he grabbed his boyfriend's hand and kissed it, letting him know he still had him while whispering that he wouldn't go anywhere, ever. 

 

 

The day after being discharged from the hospital, Sehun went and terminated his matriculation at the academy — even after they reassured him that he could freeze his it and comeback when he was better. 

His parents had insisted they'd come to help him collect his belongings, despite him telling them Jongin would drive him home himself. 

After clearing out his side of the dorm he shared with Jongin, Sehun prepared to say goodbye. They had promised to Skype everyday and on weekends they would visit each other, even though Sehun had a gut feeling things would not work out and had told Jongin that much, but the older boy looked at him like he had said the most ridiculous thing in the world.  

"Don’t be an idiot, Sehunnie," he said while giving him a light slap on the arm. “We will be together forever, remember?" and then he kissed his forehead and they hugged — perhaps it was a little bit tighter than usual —, it felt more like a goodbye than anything else, but Sehun just shoved that thought to the back of his mind.  

 

&

 

Four months later and he and Jongin talked almost everyday in between Sehun's shifts at the convenience store and Jongin classes. But there were times were they just couldn't make it, either because Jongin had to practice or study, or because Sehun had to take double shifts at the convenience store. And as of late they had been fighting quite a lot, especially because Jongin was getting a little frustrated at the fact that his boyfriend just simply refused to go to university and study something else, and because Sehun was still mad that Jongin hadn't come home two weekends to be with him.  

They both felt themselves thrifting apart. Before they had all this life planned for them and now... Now they were just living completely different lives and couldn't manage to even make time to talk to each other, and when they did manage they just ended up screaming at each other.  

And in a way, Sehun felt like he was holding Jongin back. He felt like at this point he was just dead weight in his boyfriend's life and it was killing him knowing that he was dragging this amazing boy down with him. He's been going to therapy since he got injured because things haven't been easy for him after what happened but if Sehun is being honest, it's not helping that much, and maybe he's the problem, maybe he just doesn't want any help, maybe everyone worrying about him and pitying him makes him feel even angrier about everything. Why can people just let it go? Why can’t he just fucking let it go? 

So the next time Jongin came home, Sehun decided he had to do it. He had to let Jongin go, even if it hurt him, even if the thought of it made him feel like he was suffocating.  

“Jongin, can we talk?” he asked as soon as the boy entered his room. 

“Of course,” and suddenly Jongin felt a little anxious, because he and Sehun had been drifting apart lately and just the way Sehun asked asked the question made him feel a little bit uneasy. Sehun was the kind of person that would keep everything to himself until he couldn't anymore and everything would go tits up. 

“I think we should break up,” Sehun thought it was better if he just spat it out or else he wouldn’t be coward enough to get it over with. He was such a coward that he couldn't even stand to look at his boyfriend's face while breaking up with him.  

“What? You’re not serious, Sehun!” He wasn’t expecting those words to come out of Sehun's mouth. "Is this a joke? Is this your way of getting back at me because I couldn't make it the last two weekends?" 

“I’m dead serious, Jongin. I think it’s the best thing for both of us right now. You need to go on with your life and I need to figure out mine", and finally Sehun gathered enough courage to look at Jongin's face and he regretted it instantly. He had never seen Jongin so lost and broken in his life and it was all his fault. 

“What are you saying? Don’t be stupid, Sehun! We’ve been together for almost two years! I’m not letting you go now, no way! Why this sudden change of feelings? Talk to me, Sehun, stop hiding in your shell and let me in!” 

“I need some time alone, Jongin. I need to figure out what my future will be from now on. You already got yours planned, I can’t hold you back,” Sehun tried to say it as simply as possible because the last thing he wanted was to hurt this beautiful boy even more. 

“You’re not even making sense! You’re part of my future, don’t be absurd! I’ll help you through whatever you need, you know I will. I always have! I’ll even drop out too if it’s necessary. We can apply again, later! I’m sure we can make it!” 

“Don’t you get it? I can’t dance anymore!” Sehun shouts. 

Jongin stepped closer, hopping his boyfriend would let him in and just tell him what was going on. 

Sehun was finding it hard to breathe and was on the verge of breaking down, but he couldn’t. He had to let Jongin go. Jongin had this beautiful and bright future ahead of him. He was an excellent dancer and Sehun was pretty sure he’d become one of the biggest artists in the world and he wasn’t even jealous of Jongin’s upcoming success, not really. All he really wants is for Jongin to achieve his life goals without Sehun interfering and dragging him down. 

“No, stop it! Don't touch me!" Sehun said slapping Jongin's hand away. "I don’t feel the same way you do about me”, and that right there is the biggest lie Sehun has ever told. He loved Jongin more than life itself, he loved him so much that sometimes he still felt a little overwhelmed by all these feelings. And that’s why he had to let him go. 

“What? What are you saying?” Jongin gulped, trying to fight the tears that were threatening to fall. 

“I don’t love you,” Sehun said while staring at the window so he wouldn’t look at Jongin’s face. “I never did. I’m selfish and I didn’t want to be alone, so when I realized you liked me, I saw right there a nice way to have fun. You looked a little pathetic back in high school and you were so gullible that making you fall at my knees was a piece of cake, honestly. You were so ready to please me in every way and I saw an opportunity! You can finally be the artist you’ve always wanted to be. Unfortunately, because of you, I can’t do what I love. If you hadn’t insisted on that fucking step, I would still be there.”

They where standing there for a while and when Jongin realized Sehun wasn’t going to change his mind he Jongin left the room running and slamming the door behind him. 

Once Jongin reached his own room he dropped on his knees sobbing. He knew that none of the words that came out of Sehun’s mouth were true. They couldn't be! He knew he had only said them to make it easier for Jongin to let him go. It had to be it, right? It had to be because Jongin knew what they both felt for each other, he could feel it in every kiss, in every touch, in every laugh and every look they shared. 

He cried until he's parents found him on the floor of his room completely broken, hugging Sehun's shirt because – as cliché as it sounds – it still smelled like him. 

And back at Sehun's room he wasn't much better. He hadn't stopped crying ever since Jongin left and his parents had stopped knocking on his door trying to make him come out and eat something. Sehun fell asleep on his bed too exhausted to cry anymore and dreams of caramel colored skin and chocolate eyes that always looked at him like he hung the moon.  

&

 

Sehun is twenty-two years old now and honestly his life didn’t turn out as bad as expected after his back injury. Three years ago he really thought his life had ended, and while he wasn't completely happy, he was okay enough to survive every day, and he was now concluding his languages degree. He decided that since he couldn’t dance, he’d learn as many languages as he could, and you know, learning them makes him feel useful and it comes kind of handy at the store. Right now, other than Korean, he is able to speak Mandarin, English and French.

His heart still aches whenever he thinks of Jongin. He thought that with therapy things would eventually get better, and while he doesn't feel worse, he also doesn’t feel any better. And the reality of it is that when he was still with Jongin he always reassured him that everything would be alright, but now Jongin is not here. He's not there to make it all better. He's not there to remind him that he's still great and worth it even if he couldn't dance anymore, and most of all, Jongin wasn't here to reassure him that he loved Sehun, even if Sehun didn't love himself sometimes and didn't felt like leaving his bed at all. That no matter what he'd love him in this life, the next and the next and the next.  

Sehun still hangs out with his old friends from high school. Well, everyone except Jongin, obviously. He knew he was doing okay, and Jongin knew Sehun was doing fine, thanks to their nosy friends.  

Right now Sehun’s sitting behind the store’s checkout talking to Kyungsoo. Sehun is very fond of Kyungsoo. He’s not loud like Baekhyun or Chanyeol, and shares the same taste for sarcasm as he does. 

“Sehunnie, I need to leave for a while. My aunt arrived earlier than it was supposed to and I can’t leave her alone. Is it okay? I’ll be here in like an hour or something,” Kyungsoo tells Sehun. 

“Of course! I’m perfectly capable of handling all these costumers”, he pointed at the empty store and let out a chuckle. 

Just as Kyungsoo leaves a few costumers come in while Sehun’s singing was happily singing some song that was playing at the store. 

“Excuse me,” a little girl tugs on his jeans. “Do you sell chocolate?” 

“Well, hello. Of course I do! What kind of person would I be if I didn’t sell chocolate?” and he kneels at the girl’s level. “What kind are you looking for?” 

“Just chocolate,” she shrugs as her mother approaches them. After helping them find what they needed, Sehun’s nearly drops as he sees a face he hadn’t seen for three years. Kim Jongin standing at the door, looking as shocked as he does.  

Jongin obviously did not expect their encounter after three years to be like this and his heart threatens to leave his body through his mouth. He feels sick! He feels like he’s 19 all over again and he’s at his parents’ house in his old room crying his heart out, calling out a name that just won’t come. He feels sadness but mostly he just feels anger. He was angry. So angry at Oh fucking Sehun and at how much he hurt him.

He feels a hand tugging his own and looks at his best friend, Taemin. “Jongin? What’s wrong?”  

Sehun notices another man standing right next to Jongin. They were holding hands and Sehun’s heart tugs a little and he feels that too familiar lump on his throat starting to form. Sehun has to look away, or else he might start crying and honestly that's the last thing he wants, or needs, right now. He knows that he had no right to be jealous, not when he was do one who sent Jongin away, but when he sees someone hold the hand of the most important person in his life, he just can’t help it.  

“Nothing, I just remembered something I have to do later,” Jongin kisses the other man’s cheek and caresses his hand. 

Sehun still can’t process what’s happening. Jongin is standing a mere feet away from him and it would take him less than 5 seconds to walk across that aisle and hug him, take in his scent almost erased from his memory, but he’s not going to. He has a boyfriend, by the looks of it, and Sehun lost that right the moment he sent Jongin away three years ago. Maybe Jongin had told the man about Sehun, maybe he was going to get punched in the face as soon as they approached the checkout. Maybe, Jongin would say hello. Maybe Sehun could say he never meant anything he said three years ago. Maybe, maybe, maybe… 

Jongin wants to speak to Sehun but he also wants to hit him and hurt him the same way he had done with him. He wanted him to feel how suffocating it was once Sehun was out of his life, how bad everything had gotten. Instead of speaking or hitting, he put his arm around Taemin. He was probably being childish, but he knew Sehun would think they were together and he hoped that it would hurt him. 

Here’s what happened, Jongin and Taemin paid for their things and left. Neither Sehun nor Jongin acknowledged one another. In fact, it was as if they had never met. It was as if those late nights, draped around Jongin in his bed never happened. As if their bodies never knew exactly how to react around one another. As if they never loved each other. 

Fortunately Kyungsoo is back right after Jongin leaves.  

“I’m back!” he says, putting his name tag back on his shirt. “Sehun?” 

And Sehun's reaction is to throw himself at Kyungsoo's arms and hug him so tight while he sobs against his shoulder.  

“Sehun, what happened? Why are you crying?” Kyungsoo hugs his friend back. “Hey, hey, What is wrong?” 

“Jong-in,” the younger boy hiccups. 

“What? Was he here?” Kyungsoo knew Jongin was back in town but no one was to tell Sehun. Nor was Jongin supposed to know Sehun was still living back home. Suddenly Kyungsoo feels incredibly bad for his best friend because had the poor boy known his ex-boyfriend was in town, he could’ve at least prepared himself. 

Sehun only nods and keeps crying while Kyungsoo rubs his back and keeps telling everything will be alright. 

&

 

Jongdae walked in and Zitao is crying and he sighs, because either Tao just watched some really sad movie, a bug appeared or Chanyeol and Baekhyun did something to him. 

“Zitao, why are you crying? What happened?” 

“Chanyeol and Baekhyun were doing it on top of the washing machine! I just wanted to wash my clothes and they where they, fucking each other! Why do they keep infesting our house with sin?” Zitao cries, literally, and honestly he's not a shy person, at all, but it gets a little frustrating when your flat mates keep fucking each other at plain sight every other day of the week. And he had just watched a rather sad movie before walking in on them, so no one can really blame him if he has his emotions all over the place. In other circumstances his face would have been the most hilarious thing Jongdae has ever seen his life, really. The distress that was all over his face was so amusing.  

"Jesus fucking Christ on a fucking bike,” Jongdae mutters while making his way to the couple's bedroom and barges in their room and they are sitting on their bed chatting, looking like the most angelic couple ever. “God dammit guys, not on top of the washing machine! Honestly, you look like a couple of horny teenagers.” 

“We are really, really, really sorry for what happened,” Baekhyun started.  

"But in our defense we had no idea Tao was home,” Chanyeol explained with the most sincere and apologetic facial expression he could muster.  

All Jongdae can do is sigh because his friends are a bunch of morons. He's still trying to figure out how he thought moving in with Chanyeol and Baekhyun would be a good idea.  

"Honestly guys, if you don't move out soon I swear to god I will personally buy you a damn house,” he says trying to sound as serious as possible, but this whole situation is more hilarious and if he wasn't so frustrated with these assholes he'd be laughing. "You've been saying you want to move out for the past three months and surprise, surprise, you're still here being a pain in my ass,” and he should've totally expected when Chanyeol bursts out laughing. Baekhyun is fighting to keep a straight face, but as soon as he hears Chanyeol’s laugh he can’t help himself. 

“We’re already searching. We’re going to see one tomorrow, want to come with?” Baekhyun says ceasing his laughter. 

“Sure,” Jongdae says calmly. “But you should go in the living room and apologize to Tao, I’ve never seen him so distressed and frustrated in my entire life. It's hilarious!” 

Jongdae thinks he should retire and move to an island. He’s too old to handle these boys and he’s not even the eldest of their group.  

“And one more thing: until you find a house there's no more fucking in other rooms other than yours. Stay in your damn bed, you horny pigs! Or I swear I'll chop off your dicks,” Jongdae warned again and went back to the living room to find Tao cuddled to Kris, who probably came in while he was lecturing the other children. 

“All I wanted to wash my clothes, why are they like this to me?” Zitao sounds so exasperated and Kris makes an effort not to laugh, caressing his friend’s back. 

“I’m done, I need vacations,” Jongdae drops on the couch. “They tire me out!” 

Chanyeol and Baekhyun exit their room and sit on the floor, next to Zitao’s and Kris’ feet and Baekhyun hugs Tao’s legs. “I’m sorry, Tao. It won’t happen again, I’m sorry you had to witness that.” 

“We’re truly sorry,” Chanyeol joins the hug. “Will you forgive us? We’ll buy you food.” 

Tao pulls away from Kris and slides down the sofa, sitting between Baekhyun and Chanyeol. “Okay, I forgive you. But I swear I will kill you if I have to see both your dicks again,” and hits both men in the head. 

“We promise it was the last time you saw us like that,” Chan reassures him. 

&

 

A week later, Chanyeol and Baekhyun finally moved out. The house had a big living room, which was great since their group of friends was gigantic, and a crazy big garden. The house is near Baekhyun’s work and near a music shop – Chanyeol couldn’t stop jumping up and down like a little boy when he found out about it. 

After moving and organizing their new home, they decided to invite their friends for warm get together on the weekend. It has been a while — three years, to be more precise  — since they were all together in one place. 

“Baekhyun, do you think it’s a good idea we invite Sehun and Jongin?” Chanyeol asks while shoving his hands down a popcorn bag. 

“Well, probably not, but it’s been years since we’ve all been together. Plus, it’s either both of them or none. And since none is not an option, we’re inviting both.”

“Oh god,” Chanyeol said with his mouth full. “They’re going to kill us, bring us back to life and then kill us again! And I’m too young to die, Baek. We just moved in together, I want more time with you and the world. And with popcorn.”

“I’m flattered, but no one’s going to die, you piece of poo,” Baekhyun said and kissed his boyfriend. 

 

&

 

Kyungsoo is at Sehun’s place, trying to convince his friend to go to Baekhyun's and Chanyeol’s dinner the next day. 

“Come on, Sehun. You’ll have fun! Everyone will be there and you’ll get to tease Tao. From what I’ve heard, he caught Baek and Chanyeol going at it on top of the washing machine.” 

“On top of the—,” Sehun sighed and let out a chuckle. “Fine, I’m going.”

Sehun wasn’t really in the mood for honey lovey dovey Chanyeol and Baekhyun. He loved them to death, but being next to people in love depressed him, to be quite honest.

“Great, text Baekhyun you’re going, then!” Kyungsoo knows Jongin is also going, but he’s not telling Sehun and he feels bad for lying to him, but telling would only make Sehun refuse to go and he really needs to get out of the house. No one told Jongin about Sehun either. 

 

&

 

Sehun skipped therapy this week, he didn’t feel like pouring out his feelings. He hadn’t told his therapist he had seen Jongin again either. To be honest he wasn’t ready to bring the subject yet. 

He’s running late to his friends dinner because he wrote the wrong address on his phone that took him to a very suspicious looking sex shop, so after calling Chanyeol to get the right address, he drives off through the right way. 

When Sehun finally arrives, he rings the bell and waits for the door to be opened. 

He heard yelling through the door and shook his head in fondness because what was a dinner with his friends without noise?   
The door opens and the huge chocolate box Sehun is holding slips out of his hands. Jongin, who was laughing because of one of the great Yixing’s impersonations, is the one who opens the door. For a moment, Sehun thought Jongin was going to punch him, but instead he closed the door on his face. 

“Was that Sehun?” he heard Luhan saying. “Jongin, you fucking asshole.”

“I’m sorry,” Luhan says as soon as he opens the door while he glares at Jongin, who just shrugs and turns his back to them. “Come in, friend.”

Luhan embraces Sehun in a hug. “I missed you, buddy. How have you been?” 

“Uh, good,” Sehun lied. “When did you come back from China?”   
“Just yesterday, I couldn’t miss this dinner for anything. By the way, have you heard that Tao caught Baekhyun and Chanyeol doing the frickle freckle?” Luhan giggles. “He was so distressed he started crying.” 

Sehun just nods and lets Luhan lead him to the living room where everyone was sitting. 

“Sehun!” Chanyeol jumps and wraps his arms around his friend. “I’m so glad you came. I thought you were not coming anymore!” 

“Nah, I had to come and terrorize Tao,” Sehun gives him half a smile. 

“Is it okay Jongin is here too?” Chanyeol whispers in his ear. 

“It’s okay, don’t worry Chan,” well, it wasn’t okay, but he couldn't keep his friends from hanging out with Jongin just because three years ago he fucked up. He’s holding tight to his chocolate box in order to control himself and Chanyeol feels him tensing up and holds him a bit longer as if silently telling Sehun he was there if needed. 

“Get off, it’s my turn!” Baekhyun appears behind Chanyeol, breaking up their hug and embracing Sehun himself. “Hi, thanks for coming!”

During the dinner Sehun is mostly quiet, just occasionally teasing the living shit out of Tao. 

“Leave me alone, Sehun!” Tao cries earning a giggle from Sehun. “It was not funny!” 

“I’m sorry,” Sehun can’t help but laugh a bit more. “But I would have paid to see the panic in your face when you saw them.”  
“Stop teasing him, you little shit,” Junmyeon warns Sehun and everyone laughs, except for Jongin. He’s too busy talking to Kyungsoo about his career as a professional dancer.  

Jongin makes sure Sehun listens to his stories. He wants him to know he’s happy without him. 

Sehun learns that Jongin had finished his degree, ending up being the best dancer of that school. And that after, he received a bunch of offers to dance with most prestigious crews and artists in Korea. Sehun wasn’t surprised, Jongin had always been an excellent dancer, he had always been better than Sehun.

He had met Taemin two years ago at Urban Dance Camp – a dance camp where only the best choreographers taught, and obviously Jongin had been invited to go – and they have been inseparable since then. Jongin said nothing to make Sehun stop thinking they were dating, aggravating just a little Sehun’s inner pain. 

Later, while everyone is still listening to Jongin’s stories about his dance experiences, Sehun gets up and leaves the house sneakily. Glad no one noticed his absence, Sehun goes home. Being in the same room as Jongin after all this time was overwhelming.  

Sehun’s biggest life goal was to see Jongin happy, and he is. Jongin is happy and high in life and Sehun is rotting in hell – like he deserves, he thinks. He’s burning inside, wishing he could still be part of Jongin’s life. Wishing he could share that happiness with him. But that would be too selfish of him. Sehun chose this life for him, he has no right to complain. 

 

He wakes up in the morning with a call from Baekhyun. 

“Oh Sehun, I will murder you and drag you to hell,” and for a second that sounds like a pretty good idea to him. 

“What’s happening?” Sehun yawns. 

“Why did you leave without saying goodbye? One minute you were there and the next poof! I was worried about you.” 

“I’m fine, Baekhyun,” and Sehun realizes that telling his friends that he's fine as become second nature to him, even if everyone knows he's not fine at all.  "And stop worrying about me.” 

“You can tell me to stop worrying as many times as you want, but I still will, you know that. I’m sorry we invited you guys at the same time, I didn’t know things were still that bad between you two. We just thought it would be nice to have you all together with us for a while. I’m so sorry, Sehunnie.”

“Don’t worry, really. It’s okay. You’re still friends with him and you’re also friends with me, I can’t make you choose between the both of us. I understand,” Sehun sat up straight in his bed. “I just… I still have some things I need to figure out on my own, okay? I’ll be fine, don’t worry.”

“I’ll try not to,” Baekhyun told him in a warm tone. “Do you want to come by and have lunch with me and Chanyeol?” 

“As long as I don’t find you fucking on top of the washing machine, fine by me,” Sehun teased. 

“You’ll never let it go, will you?” Baekhyun sighs. 

“Only when it stops being funny,” the younger replies. “See you later, Baek.” 

“Yeah, be here by 1:30 p.m and bring more of those chocolates you brought last night, please!” 

 

&

 

Jongin is at his dance studio, trying to create a new dance routine, but he doesn’t feel inspired. He gives up after a while and sits on the floor. He’s trying to think of a good enough routine when he hears a knock on the door. 

“Come in, it’s open,” he says and Kyungsoo appears from behind the door. “Hey!” Jongin smiles at him. 

“What are you up to?” Kyungsoo sits beside him. 

“Nothing much, I was trying to make something but nothing comes out. You?” 

“Well, I’m here sitting next to you, as you can see,” Jongin rolls his eyes at his friend’s response, and it's amazing how after all these years he's still the same little shit. “I’m here to talk to you,” and this time his tone was serious.

“About?” Kyungsoo gives Jongin a knowing look.

“Do we really have to?” 

“Yes, we do,” and this is probably one of the few times Kyungsoo’s been so serious around him. “You need to be careful around him, you know? He hasn’t been on his right mind ever since you guys broke up. He’s still in therapy and he’s been okay but after he saw you, well, things haven’t been that well. His his mom told me the other day that he’s been skipping their sessions. I’m worried about him.”

“He seemed fine to me,” Jongin says. 

“He’s Sehun, he looks fine to everyone else because he hides his feelings. You know that better than anyone. Just… if he talks to you, don’t shut him out. He’ll probably feel the need to explain himself to you.” 

“If he wanted to do it he would have done it three years ago when he told me to leave. He’s not the only one who has been through hell, you know?” Everyone seems to have forgotten that it was Sehun that broke up with, Sehun was the one who broke his heart and the fact that everyone keeps treating Jongin as the one who broke poor Oh Sehun’s heart just makes him angry. 

“I know, I know. But you’re emotionally stronger than he is, you’ve always been. I think you really should talk. It would be good for both of you.” 

Jongin was silent for a second, not sure what to say. “I’ll try to listen, but I’m still mad at him. I’m so mad, Kyungsoo,” and his voice breaks just a little. Kyungsoo was always the closest to the couple and he observed them a lot and he knows too well how they both suffered. How both of them are still suffering.

“I know, and perhaps you should use that anger on that dance routine you’re trying to build up,” Kyungsoo got up. “I should go. I promised my aunt I would take her to the doctor.”

Jongin nods and as Kyungsoo is about to leave, the first man calls up, “Kyungsoo… thank you.”

“No problem,” Kyungsoo gave him a smile and left the studio. 

Jongin doesn’t know what he’s going to do exactly, but he knows sooner or later he will have to talk to Sehun — for his own sake, not Sehun’s. It’s time he put an end to this anger towards him. It’s been three years already and resolving things is the grown up thing to do in this situation, otherwise he won’t be able to move on. He’ll talk to him when he’s ready. 

 

That happens about a week later. Jongin had called Kyungsoo to know the time Sehun’s shift would end so he could stop by and talk to him, not wanting to disturb him during his work time. 

Sehun is at the back of the store, checking if everything’s in order. It’s almost time to go home when he hears the store’s bell – the one that rings every time a costumer comes in and it’s really annoying – and hurries back to inform they’re closing. 

“I’m sorry, but we’re—,” Sehun stops on his tracks as he sees Jongin standing at the door, fidgeting. “—closed.” 

“Sehun,” Jongin’s voice was kind of shaky, he hadn’t said that name out loud in years. He’d always refer to him as the ex-boyfriend who broke his heart. 

Sehun opens his mouth to talk but he has no idea what to say. He had imagined their reunion a million times in his head whenever he was in bed and sleep just wouldn’t come. He’d practiced what he would say countless times, but now that Jongin was right in front of him he couldn’t think of anything intelligible to say. 

“Can we talk?” Sehun feels uneasy with the question because last time either of them said these words they ended up in tears. 

Sehun can’t trust himself to talk yet, because if he does he might just say something stupid, so he nods. 

“Kyungsoo said your shift ends now, can we go somewhere?” Jongin makes his best to try not to stutter. Sehun nodded again and hurried to close the store. 

Jongin waited outside for the other man and took several deep breaths to calm himself down. He’s shaking and he has no idea how he’s going to face Sehun again. 

Sehun didn’t dare to look at Jongin. He kept his eyes on the floor the whole journey to his car. He thought they’d be at peace inside of it. 

“We can talk here, it’s more quiet,” Sehun spoke for the first time.

Jongin’s heart jumped a little at the sound of his voice so close to him. This was going to be a long conversation. 

Both of them got inside the car but none of them spoke. Sehun was burning inside. Jongin was so close to him, only one touch away however he couldn’t reach for him. He kept his eyes on the steering wheel because he was a coward and he just couldn’t handle looking at Jongin’s face. 

“How have you been?” Jongin asked, cautious with his words. 

“Hmm… Okay,” he replies. “You?” 

“Great, uh… hmm… yeah… uh. What have you been doing lately?” Jongin was still ignoring the big elephant in the car, not ready to mention it yet. It was easier to just make small talk.

“I’m finishing my languages degree and working at the store with Kyungsoo.”

“Really?” Jongin’s glad Sehun hadn’t quit school for good. “That’s good, that’s great. I’m really glad you didn’t give up on your studies after all.” 

“Yeah, I’m becoming fluent in a few languages, it’s nice. I heard you opened a dance studio nearby, that’s great,” Kyungsoo was the one who told Sehun because his best friend sometimes just couldn’t keep quiet about Jongin around Sehun.

“Yeah, I’m teaching little kids there and working on some dance routines.” 

Sehun just nodded, “Good, good.” 

“Why?” 

“Because that sounds like a good thing and you always wanted to have your own studio and teach people,” Sehun was really confused by Jongin’s question. 

“No, I mean, why, Sehun?” Jongin repeated and Sehun knew what he was asking. 

“It’s complicated, Jongin. And I know that you deserve an explanation, but I just can’t give that to you, at least not today,” Sehun’s hands were trembling on his lap, so he decided to grab the steering wheel so tight that he’s knuckles turned white.

“Why not today? I’ve waited three years to get some answers, you’ve had more than enough time to think it through. Why can’t you give me some answers,” Jongin’s voice is an octave higher. 

“I’m sorry,” Sehun mumbles not daring to look at Jongin. 

“So you’re just going to keep pretending that never happened? Will I ever get a damn explanation?” Jongin is so mad right now that he screamed the last two words.

“I don’t know. I just… I’m sorry!” Sehun’s eager to finish this conversation. He needs time to organize his thoughts. Sehun raises his head and looks at Jongin, and Jongin looks so mad, so disappointed.

“Stop saying you’re sorry, God dammit,” Jongin says hitting the dashboard of the car and then opens the door and leaves.

For some reason, Sehun sighed in relief. Jongin had only asked for answers, it wasn’t like they were going to be friends again. It wasn’t like that. And Sehun knows that once he talks to Jongin the other boy will hate even more for being such a coward.

&

 

The following night, Jongdae summons the whole gang to a karaoke bar close to his house. Everyone agreed to it, even Sehun and Jongin who were truly needing a drink. And Zitao, Zitao needed several drinks. 

One hour after they started drinking, everyone was a little tipsy and happy enough to sing.  

Junmyeon, who is usually the one who’s more collected in their group of friends, was the first one to go on stage.  

“JUNMYEOOOOOOOON!” Zitao applauds while Yixing whistles. Junmyeon sings some old Korean song everyone knows. Luhan raises his glass and waves it while his friend sings. He turns to a girl sitting there and says “That’s my dad,” pointing at Junmyeon. The girl laughs and a waiter comes up to Luhan asking for his ID. 

“Every damn time this happens,” Luhan sighs taking his wallet out of his pocket. “I swear I’m 26! See?” he slurs showing his ID to the waiter. “I just have a baby face. I can’t do anything about it!” 

The waiter looks at his ID and then at Luhan. He shrugs and hands him the ID back. 

“See? I was born in 1990!” he smiles proudly. 

Baekhyun and Jongdae are singing now. Zitao is crying again but this time he’s not the only one because Chanyeol is too. They both have their arms around each other swaying at the sound of the song playing. 

At the end of the night, Yixing is asleep on Kris’ shoulder while mumbling the song Junmyeon was singing before. 

Junmyeon and Minseok had to take Kyungsoo home because he was not feeling well, he could never hold his alcohol very well, and Luhan is at another table flirting with the girl from earlier. Chanyeol and Baekhyun are ready to leave with Tao and Jongdae.  

After drinking beer after beer and adding shots to the mix, Sehun is pretty much pissed and can’t seem to stop staring at Jongin who was slightly buzzed, nothing problematic. Jongin also couldn’t take his eyes from Sehun and that was annoying the latter. 

“Why are you looking at me?” Sehun slurs.   

“Because you’re also looking at me,” Jongin answers, secretly amused to see Sehun so drunk. 

“Stop it then, it’s annoying!” Sehun tries to get up but that isn’t such a good idea. The floor is spinning and his head is so light he thinks he can fly. “Wait! If I fly the floor will stop spinning and that won’t be a problem for me. I just need a little balance first,” he mumbles, earning a confused look from Jongin. “Guys, I’m going home now. I’m flying there. You can call me Hermes from now on. Hold up, Hermes sounds like herpes, I’m not sure that’s good.” 

Sehun falls the instant he gets up from his chair. 

“Fuck you, Hermes. I bet he does have herpes. Fucking Greek gods,” he complains not bothering to get up. “Just leave me here, I’ll get up eventually.” 

Yixing wakes up and gazes sleepily at Sehun, smiling. “Why is Sehunnie on the floor?” he asks. 

“Because he’s a sad fuck, that’s why,” Jongin answers and gets up to help the poor idiot on the floor. “Come on, Sehun, give me a little help here,” he puts his hands under Sehun’s armpits so he can lift him up. 

“You’re so strong, Jongin, you always were,” Jongin had not signed for this shit.

“Sehun, please,” Jongin pleads holding the younger boy by his waist. Sehun is on fire because Jongin is touching him and he can’t handle it. “I’m taking you home, do you know where you live?” 

“Of course I know where I live, what kind of idiot do you think I am?” Sehun protests. Jongin sighed and informed his friends he was leaving and taking the drunk idiot home. 

Sehun tells Jongin his address and puts his arm around Jongin to keep his balance. 

“You wanna know why? I’m going to tell you, noooooooow!” Sehun puts his finger in the air to emphasize the ‘now’ more than he had to. 

“Sehun, you’re drunk, you’re not on your right mind. Shut up!” 

“I am never on my right mind these days, Jongin,” he states. “I might as well just say it now or I’ll probably never get to say it.” 

“Will you remember what you’re about to say?” Jongin asks. 

“I don’t know, probably. Does that really matter though?” Sehun takes a deep breath and lets out a chuckle because he can’t believe he’s about to pour his heart out after drinking his weight in alcohol. “When I did it, when I broke up with you, I was thinking about you, you know? You were doing so well and I couldn’t have you worrying about me. I felt like a burden back then and I couldn’t hold you back,” Sehun takes a deep breath but doesn’t look at Jongin. “You had this beautiful bright future ahead of you. You were predicted to be the best dancer in our year and it happened, didn’t it? So I let you go. I gave you up because the last thing I wanted was to drag you down with me. And then we stopped having time for each other, you being busy with school and me with work and therapy and physiotherapy. I just couldn’t be selfish and keep you from living your life just because mine had changed.I had to let you go so you wouldn’t be distracted by my tantrums and by all of my problems,” Sehun pauses for a while and looks at Jongin, who has this expression that Sehun just can’t tell what it means. 

“I said those hateful things to you because I knew you’d be hurt enough to leave. I knew you would fight back but I knew that if I found the right words to hurt you the way I did, you’d be so mad and broken that you’d hate me enough to leave me. You’re not selfish at all and you’d put your happiness behind in order to make someone else happy. I mean, you even talked about dropping out. What were you thinking, honestly? I would never make you quit your dream just because I could accomplish mine. I couldn’t let you do that!” and Sehun thinks he hears a little sob coming from Jongin, but he just can bring himself to look away from his own hands. “I never, for a single moment, blamed you for my injury. Never, never, never, and I need you to know that. Accidents happen, it was unfortunate.” Sehun stops again and he never thought he would actually be able to apologize in the state he was, but here he was, and if he stopped to think about more than he needed he would probably back out. 

“Back in high school I tried all my tricks, and to be honest I don’t even know how they worked back then. I was so gone for you,” he admits. “Whenever you looked at me or talked to me, my heart would skip four beats. You were, you still are, so overwhelming. It’s like you have this aura — and it makes you look like you’re an angel. You’re probably an angel,” and at this Jongin lets out a laugh that surprises even himself and Sehun smiles a little. “When you finally accepted to go on a date with me, oh man, I felt like the luckiest boy on this entire universe, I swear,” and he chuckles thinking about all the times his parents and his friends said he was so annoyingly happy and that he was probably going to get that stupid smile stuck on his face forever. “And when you accepted to be my boyfriend, I cried a little bit at home. You made me feel like I was worth something, even though I had this feeling I was not worthy of you or anything else a lot of the time. The day I broke up with you was the day it all came crashing down, all those insecurities, all those fears, all those things I had bottled up inside of me for such a long time. But I have a therapist, you know… and I was doing okay until you arrived again with that dude with big lips,” they stopped walking and Jongin is staring at Sehun, trying to understand all the information he was hearing. “I was so jealous… I still am. He gets to hold you now, he gets to touch you and do everything we did when it was you and me. I’m happy for you though, I really am, because all I want is for you to be happy. That’s all I have wanted, really, and that’s the biggest reason why I had to let you go. My degree is nice but I miss dancing, I miss it so much. I miss it almost as much as I miss you, Jongin. I’m so sorry. I don’t expect you to forgive me, I just… you need to know why. I let you go because I loved you.”

After his speech, Sehun sobers slightly, but his crying doesn’t seem to cease. Jongin is also crying now but still pulls Sehun into a hug. Sehun’s so damaged and Jongin is only realizing it now. He holds Sehun as hard as he can, not wanting to let go yet. Sehun hides his face on the crook of his neck, digging his fingers on Jongin’s back. 

“Shhh, it’s okay. Stop crying,” Jongin caressed Sehun’s hair and took a moment to talk in his scent. Even though Sehun reeked of alcohol, he still smelled like his Sehun. “You’re so stupid, Oh Sehun,” because honestly, how could Sehun think Jongin could ever be completely happy with him in his life? How could he be so stupid to think that Jongin would be better off without his annoyingly cute laugh or his cold feet against his in the middle of the night and his smile to brighten up his day?

“I’m not crying, you’re crying,” Sehun mumbled. “And I’m not stupid!”

“I am, but I’m going to stop now,” Jongin smiled and pulled away from the hug, still holding Sehun by the waist. 

“Aren’t you going to say anything?” Sehun asks, sniffling. 

“Tomorrow, when we’re fully sober, alright?” for now, that’s enough for Sehun.  

After dropping Sehun at his place and making sure he got in safely, Jongin takes a while to breathe properly in three years. Even though Sehun acted in the worst way possible, Jongin understood why he did it. Sehun was broken enough to think he wasn’t worthy of anyone and that wasn’t true. He was worthy of anyone he wished for. Jongin couldn’t sleep that night, so he wandered through the streets of their home town and when morning came he was at Sehun’s door again. 

A very drowsy Sehun opened the door. “Jongin? What… come in,” he was so sleepy he couldn’t formulate full sentences. 

“I need to speak to you.”

Sehun takes time to finally look at the watch on his wrist. “It’s 6 in the morning. What the hell, Jongin? Let’s sleep first, please,” Sehun can barely keep his eyes open, so Jongin agrees. 

“I’ll take the couch,” Sehun says. “You can take my bed. The room is on the first door on the left.”  

“No, no! I’m not very sleepy, you go back to sleep, I’ll wait here.” 

Sehun wakes up three hours later. His heart is beating so hard he thinks he might throw up because he just remembered that Jongin is on his living room waiting for him. Jongin wants to talk to him. Sehun jumps out of his bed and runs to the living room, nearly tripping on his feet, eager to talk to Jongin. 

When he gets there he’s sleeping on the couch, cuddled to a pillow. Sehun takes in his figure before he wakes up. 

He stops looking in case Jongin catches him and goes to the kitchen to make some tea. Maybe he should make coffee too, Jongin might want a cup.  

Sehun comes back to the living room and Jongin is awake, sitting on the couch, looking at his hands. 

“Morning,” Sehun speaks and Jongin looks up. 

“Hey.” 

“I made tea and coffee, do you want some? Or food? You must be hungry. I can cook you something if you want.” 

“Tea is fine, thank you”.

Sehun goes back to the kitchen and brings back a mug. “Here. Careful, it’s hot,” and hands it to Jongin. 

Sehun is uncomfortable and can’t stop moving around the room while Jongin sips on his tea. 

“Sehun… sit down, I’m not gonna bite you.”

“I know that, it’s just that… I’m just a little nervous,” he sits beside Jongin as far as possible, avoiding his stare. “I still remember what I said last night. I didn’t forget.”

“That’s why I’m here,” Jongin put his cup on the floor. “I’m so mad at you, Sehun. You have no idea. I felt like punching you in the face countless times,” and well, Sehun’s not exactly shocked. “I won’t, though. I’m mad because you made a decision that wasn’t just yours to make. How could you think you’d be a burden to me? How can you even think you’re not worthy of anyone? You had no right to decide what was better for me back then, you hear me? I would have done anything for you, Sehun. We were in it together. You didn’t have to go through everything by yourself.” 

“You couldn’t fix me, Jongin,” Sehun says quietly and Jongin barely hears him.  

“I couldn’t, but I could’ve been there for you,” Jongin pauses. “Did you ever stop to think that I needed you as much as you needed me?” He asks. “The first months after you left were hell. I didn’t sleep, I didn’t eat. I didn’t speak to anyone because every time I did someone would ask me about you. I almost failed a class! Was this the kind of success you thought I’d achieve without you? Then I stopped being sad and I started being angry.” 

“But you turned out alright, you were top of the class. You have your own studio. You’re invited to go everywhere, how can that be bad?” Sehun lifts his head to meet Jongin’s gaze. 

“Yeah, but you weren’t there to share it with me. I loved you so much, Sehun. If you had asked me to give you the world, I would have found a way to do it.”

“I know, Jongin. That’s why I left, you owed me nothing. It wasn’t your job to look after me.”

After a long silence Jongin speaks again, “I forgive you, Sehun”

“What?” 

“I said I forgive you, there’s no reason for me to hold any more grudges. I’m so tired of being mad at you. I don’t want to be mad any longer.” 

“Thank you,” is all Sehun says and for the first time in ages, he feels like he can breathe again.  

“Well, I should go. I have a class in two hours and I still need to go home and change,” Jongin gets up and walks toward the exit door. 

“Sehun?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Taemin is not my boyfriend.” 

“Oh? Uh great, I mean, not great, I uh… Okay?” Sehun starts sweating and cringes at his lack of speech. 

“See you later, Sehun,” Jongin smiles and leaves Sehun’s place. 

&

 

The next time the boys are all together is to say goodbye to Luhan. Since Junmyeon’s place is the biggest, they decide to hold a barbecue party there. It’s also summer and Junmyeon’s house becomes even more perfect because it has a pool. 

Sehun is the first to arrive since the house is 5 minutes away from his. 

“Suho, you know we’re friends because you have a pool, right? Don’t think I have any other kind of affection for you,” Sehun jokes, helping Junmyeon moving the chairs and the tables to his garden. 

“Oh man, that means I can’t share my bubble tea with you anymore, I only share it with my true friends. Such a shame. Maybe Tao will want it,” Junmyeon teases him. 

“What? What are you saying? I love you. You’re the best person I’ve ever met in my entire life, too good to be true, really. You’re like a second dad,” Sehun smiles innocently at Junmyeon who is laughing.  

“You’re in a good mood, today. I like it. Why is that, may I know the reason?” 

“Oh, there’s no reason. I just feel good,” Sehun says. 

“That’s great,” Junmyeon smiles sincerely because it had been a while since Sehun was genuinely happy. 

The other boys arrived gradually. When Jongin arrives, he hugs every single one of them. That shocks everyone, because, since when are Jongin and Sehun on speaking terms? 

 “I think I’m going to cry,” Tao sniffles dramatically. 

Jongin and Sehun smile shyly and the rest of the group smiles because they all get along now and nothing could be more perfect. No one asks questions and Sehun appreciates it. 

Junmyeon looks at Sehun knowingly and he winks in response. 

“I don’t think they’re letting me in as a passenger,” Luhan says after they finish eating. “I’m so full I’m considered luggage”  

“Urgh, me too,” Chanyeol complains holding his belly. “Baekhyun, look it’s our baby” 

“Guess we’re having twins in different bellies,” Baekhyun groans. 

After cleaning the kitchen, they say their goodbyes to Luhan.  

“I’m glad you and Jongin are speaking again,” Luhan whispers on Sehun’s ear. 

“Yeah, me too,” Sehun smiles. “Have a safe trip.” 

“Come on, Luhan. We gotta go.” Minseok says.

“Coming, coming.”

&

 

A week later at Sehun and Kyungsoo’s job, both boys are storing the new items that had arrived in the morning. 

“So… when did it happen?” Kyungsoo asks smirking. 

“What happened?” 

“Jongin.” 

“Oh… two weeks ago after karaoke. We talked and… yeah, we’re on good terms, I think,” Sehun nods. 

“I’m happy to hear that,” Kyungsoo grins. “Did you see Tao’s face when you hugged? Poor boy, I think he was happier than you were.” 

“I love Tao,” Sehun laughs. 

“Yeah, me too.” 

“Me three,” a third voice says. 

“What? who the fu—” Kyungsoo jumps and turns his head to the voice. “Kim Jongin, what are you doing here? Go back to your dancing and leave me alone,” Kyungsoo is ready to hit Jongin with a broom. 

Jongin giggles at Kyungsoo’s face, “I need Sehun’s help.”

“Mine?” Sehun looks at Jongin confused and Kyungsoo raises his eyebrows suggestively. “My shift isn’t over yet, you’ll have to wait.” 

“Okay. Could you stop at the studio later? I’m working on a new choreography and I’m having trouble with it, so I was wondering if you could help. I mean, only if you want to. Shit, this is a bad idea, you haven’t danced in ages, shit. I’m so stupid.”

“I’ll be there. Don’t worry,” Sehun reassures him with a smile.

“Oh, cool. Nice, awesome. I uh, I’ll be going then. Bye Kyungsoo.” 

“Bye Jongin,” Kyungsoo chuckles and looks at red cheeks Sehun. “You guys are still ridiculous.” 

“Shut up, stupid,” Sehun spits and gets hit by Kyungsoo. “Stop playing with our merchandise!” 

&

 

Before he goes to the studio, Sehun goes home to change into his grey sweatpants and a t-shirt. On his way to the studio he buys take-away because it’s nearly dinner time and he’s hungry, and maybe Jongin is too. He may or may not have picked Jongin’s favourite.  

He hears music from a room and follows the sound. Jongin is dancing and he’s as good as Sehun remembers. 

He remembers thinking about Jongin as an extension of music and how he missed seeing this boy dance. He doesn’t know the song but it’s sexy. 

Jongin notices Sehun through the mirror and stops the music. 

“Hey, thanks for coming.” 

“I brought food, I hope you’re hungry,” Sehun dropped the bag on a chair.

“Oh, nice, thanks! I am but I wanna show you the routine first. If we eat now we might throw up.” 

“But the food will get cold!” Sehun whines. 

“Don’t worry, I have a microwave in the back,” Jongin motions Sehun to join him. “If you’re not comfortable dancing again, tell me. I don’t want you hurting again. ” 

“No, it’s okay, really. Just show me what you’ve got until now,” actually this was the first time Sehun would be dancing after his injury. He had done all the physiotherapy sessions, but he never really had the guts to dance again because he didn’t think he could handle losing dance all over again. 

“Alright,” Jongin nods and suddenly he feels nervous dancing in front of Sehun. It used to be so natural and now he’s having a mini heart-attack. _Relax, it’s only Sehun_ he whispers to himself. 

“What?” 

“What? Nothing, nothing,” Jongin presses play and starts dancing and it’s the same choreography he was rehearsing when Sehun arrived.  

Sehun observes and nods his head at the sound of the song. Yep, this song is definitely sexy and Sehun is pretty sure it’s going to be a long night. 

Jongin starts by smirking to the mirror as if he was trying to seduce someone. Sehun tries really hard not be affected by this but he’s failing miserably. He already knew Jongin was a totally different person when he danced; he was a beast whenever he danced, so majestic and aggressive at the same time. 

Whenever Jongin moves his hips, Sehun holds his breath trying to concentrate on the choreography and not on the handsome dancer performing it right before him. 

Jongin stops before the chorus starts and looks at Sehun pausing the song. “Nothing comes out after this, it’s like I have writers block but in dancing. It has never happened to me before!” 

“Relax and do it again. I’ll try to keep up,” Sehun walks up to him and nods so Jongin starts the song again.  

Sehun is surprised at himself because he got all the steps right and it felt like no time had passed since he stopped dancing. It felt good, relaxing even. 

Jongin stopped but Sehun kept going, adding his own steps. 

“Keep going, keep going,” Jongin makes sure to memorize the new steps. It fills Jongin with joy to see Sehun dancing again. It takes all of Jongin’s will power not to tear up a little with pride.

“Do you like it?” Sehun asks when he stops dancing and he’s out of breath.

“Yes, it’s great! I’m happy you still got it,” Jongin winks proudly. 

“Yeah, me too. So, do you want this in?” 

“Absolutely!” Jongin is so excited he might pee himself like pugs do. “It could also be performed in pairs.” 

“How?” 

“Like this,” Jongin stands beside Sehun facing the other wall. “Follow my lead.” 

They re-start the routine and if Sehun didn’t know how to be professional he would’ve died every time their hips touched. They now had their backs to each other doing some sort of wave. 

The choreography wasn’t hard to perform and didn’t require back strength, at least not enough to stop Sehun. 

“I think this is good. Thank you, Sehun,” Jongin says wiping the sweat from his forehead. “Would you like to present it with me when I teach this to my class? I mean, you created half of it, it only makes sense like this.” 

“I don’t know… I don’t think I’m ready to dance in front of an audience.” 

“I am an audience and you were more than okay.” 

“Yeah, but I trust you.” 

Jongin stops for a second but shrugs it off. “Come on, let’s eat,” he says instead. Sehun follows Jongin to the back where there are some tables and chairs. On the side there is the said microwave and a coffee machine. 

“You remembered,” Jongin exclaimed while Sehun typed away on his phone. 

“Huh? Remembered what?” 

“This is my favourite!” and he smiles so big that his eyes scrunch a little. 

“Oh, right. Yeah…” Sehun scratches the back of his head. “It was the safest option.” 

“You know I eat anything that’s edible,” it was true, Sehun had never seen someone so happy whenever there was food.

“So, are you seeing anyone currently?” Jongin asks after dinner. They’re sitting against the mirror in the dancing room and this question earns a gasp from Sehun, who also nearly chokes on his saliva. 

“Uh, no,” Sehun answers and looks at the ceiling. “You?” 

Jongin pops a “Nope” and starts giggling right after. 

“What?” Sehun looks at him funnily. 

“I can’t believe you thought I was dating Taemin.” 

“I’m sorry but in my defense you two looked close.” 

“We tried, once. But it didn’t work. We’re too alike.” 

“Was it the sex?” Sehun jokes. 

“Oh no, the sex was great,” Jongin smirks at Sehun. 

“Was he better than me?” Sehun looks back at Jongin and tilts his head cocky grin on his face. 

“I can’t really compare. I don’t remember that well what it was like with you,” Jongin is obviously lying because those are some of the most vivid memories he has of Sehun, he remembers enough to remember how Sehun’s hand felt on his skin.

“You’re welcome to revive your memory,” the taller boy teases.  

“Sehun…” Jongin sighs and looks at his hands.

“Chill, Kim. I’m joking.”

“Look, it’s getting late. We should leave,” Jongin jumps from his place, trying not to think about a very naked Oh Sehun under him. Shit, things escalated quickly. 

“Yeah!” Sehun agrees and smirks knowing Jongin is embarrassed. “Do you need a ride home?” 

“If you don’t mind?”  

“Come on,” Sehun grabs his things and leaves the studio, walking towards his car. 

Jongin gets in the passenger seat beside Sehun and the latter drives off after Jongin tells him the address to his house. 

After a long pause, almost at Jongin’s place, Sehun speaks up. “For the record, I ruined you sexually for any other person.” 

“What makes you so sure of it?” 

“I’m Oh Sehun,” he simply says. “That’s how I know.” 

“You seem very confident about that,” Jongin could play this game too. “What about you? Have you been with anyone else after me?” 

“Yeah. This dude at uni had a fantastic di—” Sehun nearly hits the brakes because Jongin decided it was a brilliant idea to put his hand on Sehun’s leg and caress his thigh. Fuck, fuck, what is he doing? 

“Go on, then,” Jongin encourages, smiling mischievously. “I want to know all about it. I’m sure he was a great fuck.” 

“Jongin…” Sehun widens his eyes when he feels Jongin’s hand near his crotch. He’s pretty sure they’re both going to die in a car accident if Jongin doesn’t stop. “You’re playing a very dangerous game here. Literally, I need to focus on the road,” Sehun takes deep breaths so he doesn’t let the steering wheel slip from his hands.

“Is that so? Should’ve thought about that before provoking me.” 

Sehun tries to focus on the road and ignore Jongin exists for the time being. 

“Park here,” Jongin told him. They had arrived at Jongin’s and Sehun is thinking that setting himself on fire would be a great idea. “Thanks for the ride, see you later,” Jongin leaves the car and Sehun is about to protest but Jongin comes back. “I’m joking. Come upstairs with me.” 

Sehun rolls his eyes and exits the car, following Jongin inside. 

“Do you want something to dri--?” Jongin asks stepping into his house but is soon held against a wall by an eager Sehun. As soon as he realizes, they’re kissing. At first it starts slow, letting each other remember what the other tastes of, Sehun’s hands are on Jongin’s hips, pulling him against his own body. Jongin has his hands on Sehun’s well defined chest, grazing the boys’ nipples over his t-shirt. They pull away for a while, looking at each other reassuring that they’re about do something both of them want. Jongin is the one who takes action now and attack’s Sehun’s neck, pressing his lips against his skin spreading kisses all over “You smell so good” he whispers while the younger boy moans slightly “I smell like sweat” “It’s hot” Jongin presses a few more kisses and brings Sehun to his bedroom. As soon as Sehun sees a bed, he pushes Jongin towards it and before he follows, he takes off his shirt revealing his toned body.

“Fuck, I missed you” Jongin whispers as he pulls Sehun down to his body capturing his lips with his again, this time, grazing with his tongue the soft plump lips against his. Sehun’s hips start grinding against Jongin’s, feeling his bulge. Jongin detaches his mouth from Sehun and turns them around before taking his shirt and both their sweatpants off leaving them only in underwear.

“Did that other dude at uni offer to ride you?” Jongin asks, sitting his ass right on top of Sehun’s hard on “Did he treat you like I am about to?”

“No one compares to you” Sehun manages to say, lifting his hips from the bed meeting the older boy’s thrusts. He’s looking at his ex-boyfriend and currently fuck as he’s the most beautiful creature in the world and stops moving for a while because of it thinking how impossible this situation was a month before. He soon shakes himself out of his thoughts because Jongin is now stark naked and holding a bottle of lube and condoms.

“Wait, don’t you want me to prep you? Or I could suck you off…” Sehun offers.

“No time. Too desperate, plus you’re the one getting fucked tonight, take your underwear off” 

“But you talked about riding…”

“I didn’t say I’d do it today, though” Jongin winks and squirts some lube into his hand “I’m going to prep you, okay?”

“Yes, please”

Sehun hisses at the contact of the cold gel against his rim but starts moaning as soon as Jongin inserts his long fingers inside him. Sehun handles it until a third finger comes in, asking Jongin to fuck him quickly.

Jongin put on a condom and lubed himself, kissing Sehun again before entering him. They both groan at the feeling of each other and soon they both start moving. Sehun’s cut nails dig into Jongin’s skin while he fucks him nicely and slow. His dick is pressed between both their bodies making Sehun use the friction to pleasure himself. He manages to let out a complaint “Didn’t you say there wasn’t time? Hurry, I’m close”

“Ok, ok, sorry” Jongin says and holds Sehun’s legs on each side of his body, increasing the speed of his thrusts, earning growls from Sehun. He holds Sehun’s dick with one of his hands and starts jerking it, pressing his thumb on its slit making Sehun cry for release. Sehun’s the first one to come, followed by Jongin who comes inside the condom. They both end up panting and Jongin plops besides Sehun, waiting to regain strength.

“Are you okay?” Jongin asks, turning to his side and taking a look at Sehun’s sweaty form.

Sehun is tired but smiles nonetheless and pulls Jongin for another kiss “Yeah, you?”

“Me too” Sehun kisses Jongin’s nose and then his forehead “I should go, though. It’s late”

“Why? I want cuddles.” Jongin pouts “Stay the night, please.”

Sehun doesn’t take long deciding on whether he should stay or not “I will, but first can I take a shower? You too. You smell and you’re sticky.”

“Only if you wash me” Jongin smiles innocently. Sehun rolls his eyes and pinches Jongin’s waist “God, you’re such a baby.”

“Your baby” Sehun widens his eyes and Jongin covers his mouth with his hands “I’m sorry, it slipped” Jongin is feeling too comfortable around Sehun like no time has passed. He knows they just had sex but he isn’t even sure he wants to get back together with Sehun. This is probably only a one-time thing. The sexual tension between them is undeniable and obviously there are still feelings on board, but Jongin doesn’t know if he could go through another relationship with Sehun. Who is he kidding? No matter how hard their lives are, no matter how long they stay away from each other, they always find a way to come back together. When he realized he was in love with Sehun all those years ago, he realized he’d be in that pit till the end of time, even if Sehun didn’t want him. He’s in too deep.

“Don’t worry” Sehun reassures him and smiled tightly. It’s unnecessary to say Sehun is still head over heels for the man lying on the bed next to him. He’s trying to erase Jongin’s comment from his head, knowing in his right mind that he didn’t mean what he had said. He shouldn’t have gone upstairs with Jongin, he should’ve stayed away, he should go.

“Jongin, I think I really should go. This shouldn’t have happened.” Sehun closes his eyes and bites his lip to stop tears from spilling from his eyes. God, he’s so stupid. Why was he so hopeful?

“No,” Jongin panics and nearly yells. “Sorry, but no,” he repeats “You’re not leaving again. No way. Don’t even dare push me away again. Not now. Not ever. You listen to me, Oh Sehun, and you listen to me carefully, I let you go once and I’m not going to do it again. If this is because you feel insecure about my feelings for you, well, I have news for you, I’m more than a hundred percent sure I love you and I will fucking do everything I can to make you happy. I can’t cure you but I know I can make your life better.” 

“Jongin, please…” 

“I know you love me too and there is nothing you can say to convince me otherwise. You are worthy of every second I have to give you. Don’t you get it? Can’t you see I also need you? You also make my life better. God, Sehun, I swear I will never forgive you if you step a foot out of this house right now,” Sehun swears he’s never seen Jongin so angry before and he’s almost scared to talk, but he knows has to say something eventually. 

“How can you still want me after all this time and after all the shit I’ve put you through?”  

“I can’t go back now and even if I could, I wouldn’t want it any other way. Sehun, please. I’m yours, I’ve always been,” Jongin’s face softens and he’s visibly tired. “I’m sure you didn’t go through all that trouble in high school for nothing.” 

Jongin and Sehun stare at each other and after a while Sehun says “Okay.” 

“Okay, what?” Jongin can be a bit dumb sometimes making Sehun roll his eyes and kisses the angry puppy-like man in front of him “God, you’re so dense sometimes, Kim Jongin. I can’t believe I’m in love with you.” 

“Oh,” Jongin mutters and sighs in relief, pressing his forehead against Sehun’s. 

“Jongin,” Sehun says and lets out a light chuckle. “I won’t leave and I’ll try not to be a pain the ass, only the good kind if you get me. As cliché as it might sound, time heals everything and I’ll be okay. I’m almost there.” 

“Good,” Jongin kisses Sehun once more. “Now, about that shower…” 

“Come on, big baby.” 

 

&

 

They tried to be quiet about their relationship but it only lasted for about two days. Their friends were bold and quickly understood what was happening. 

They’re at Junmyeon’s again because Luhan is back from China and the twelve boys are always up for a party. 

“The world makes sense again, I can’t believe this,” Tao says but this time he’s not crying, because he’s not a cry baby all the time, or so he says. He fights people and runs away from bugs. 

“I swear, it’s like they live inside each other’s assholes. The rent must be great,” Kyungsoo complains while smiling, because he hasn’t seen his friends this happy for the past three years.   

“Dinner is ready, you big babies!” Junmyeon says from the kitchen where he and Chanyeol were preparing enough for twelve children. 

“Speaking of babies…” Jongin says raising an eyebrow. 

“What? Don’t even think about it. I’m too young to be a father, nope. We just got back together. Don’t you think it’s too soon? I can’t barely take care of myself let alone a baby,” Sehun rambles. 

“Dogs, Sehun, dogs. I left my poodles at my parent’s and I’m going to pick them up this weekend, wanna come with?” 

“Oh, right,” Sehun laughs nervously. “Sure.” 

“You’re such an idiot,” Jongin kisses his boyfriend 

“You can’t go back now. No returns or refunds.” 

“I’m glad.”  

 

&

 

Sehun and Jongin are walking down the street holding hands and talking about whatever when Jongin spots Kyungsoo and Jongdae at the coffee shop across the street laughing and holding hands above the table.

"Didn’t Kyungsoo say he was taking his aunt to the doctor for like the nth time this month?

"Yeah. Why?"

"Well that's not a clinic and that sure as hell isn't his aunt!" He points at their friends across the street.

"Holy shit! Oh my god!" Sehun screams in the middle of the street.

"Be quiet, dumbass. You don't want them to see us."

"The fuck I don't. I can't believe he lied to me!" Sehun is outraged to say the least. "I covered a bunch of shifts for that asshole because he was always going somewhere with his aunt when he's been getting it on with fucking cat boy Kim Jongdae all this time!”

Before Jongin can even stop him he's crossing the road to the other side, and all he can do is going after his dumbass boyfriend, "Dammit, Sehun! Wait for me!"

 

"Taking your aunt to the doctor my ass, you fucking pocket gnome," Sehun says as he casually sits next to Kyungsoo. "You've been going on dates with mister casanova over here all this time. Is your aunt even in town, you filthy liar who lies?"

"Huh…. it's not what you think?" Kyungsoo tries.

"Nice try, asshole."

"But in my defense my aunt is actually in town, you know?"

"I can't believe I covered your shifts for you to bang Kim Jongdae. I feel betrayed!" he pouts. "Buy me a cupcake."


End file.
